TTC is hard work

I am currently in medicated cycle 6 of TTC.

July-September 2011- ttc using known donor all BFN

October 2011- Clomid, Trigger, IUI BFN

November 2011- Clomid, Trigger, IUI BFN

December 2011- Higher dosage of Clomid, Trigger, IUI BFN

***NOTE: At this point the Clomid is making me IMPOSSIBLY CRAZY***

January 2012- I refused Clomid and went to Femera with Trigger, IUI BFN

Febuary 2012- HSG-All plumbing in working order :) Scan on a Monday follies not mature enough, RE said to come back that Friday....That Friday scan determined I had already ovulated :S YES I WAS.....PISSED. I was getting used to all the BFN's, this month I was already OUT before I started. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Current (March 2012) Today I start injectables.

This is a crazy ride. I never expected it to be this hard. I have a 11 year old daughter so I know these ovaries and tubes worked at least once :S

All my numbers are good, lining, progesterone, HSG was perfect, follies are maturing a few on each side...just not sure what the problem is. The BFN's bring me down, I can't help but to think it's ME...my age, weight, medication I'm taking, or simply God does not want me to have another baby.

I promised myself that after a couple rounds of injectables and still BFN, I am done trying. Luckily my insurance pays for EVERYTHING! From all the meds to the scans, IUI's and they even cover 4 IVF's in a lifetime. All the coverage in the world can't ease the let down of trying and "failing". My partner is my cheerleader...she has seen me go through the mood swings, the instant crying, laughing and mean in the same 2 minute span. This is weighing on her as well, even though she tries to stay strong. She wants me to continue trying because she wants this badly. BUT...two rounds and I have to be done, mentally It's driving me insane.

This past 9 months has been chopped up into two, 2 week life for me. Everything is timed, and it has draggggggggggged on. I almost crave the time when I waited on nothing and WHOOPS my period is here today. These days I know when it's coming, I wait on it. Ugh. And she comes faithfully....that bitch :P

So....injectables....I've been reading up on this and it seems like this could be it. Kate Plus 8, got her 6 using injectables, and I've read tons of sucess stories. So we shall see....I will keep you posted!